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User blog:Scrawland Scribblescratch/ERB Story: How the Rappers Know Each Other
So a lot of people wonder how the rappers of ERB all know each other. Well, I'm here to explain it all to you. It'll be a series. Story One day, John Lennon was playing music alone at home. Suddenly he hit all of his guitar strings at once, causing a sonic boom that sucked him into a black hole that led to a time gap. A time gap is a location where all time is stopped and you are separated from time if you are in it. Simultaneously, Bill O'Reilly let out a massive scream of anger and passive rage, which brought him to the same universe. O'Reilly and Lennon engaged in a fistfight until Lennon's knee hit O'Reilly's balls, which brought forth Darth Vader. As Vader came, it was revealed that the time gap was really a moon of a planet in the Star Wars universe, and it was also revealed that Hitler was hiding in the darkness. Vader used his Force choke and lined them all up against the wall. However, Vader had used too much of the Force, and had brought Chuck Norris into the time gap, due to him being the humanoid manifestation of the Force. Norris proceeded to say "I AM CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS" and spawned the rest of the Season 1 rappers. Peter and Lloyd managed to subdue all of their characters, but later had to deal with a troop of rappers. That troop consisted of Sarah Palin, Kim Jong un, Justin Bieber, Albert Einstein, Billy Mays, Dr. Seuss, William Shakespeare, and Mr.T, the leader. Peter and Lloyd then created Master Chief to aid them, but Lloyd let out a scream that brought forth Leonidas, who distracted Master Chief from fighting. Leonidas got into the USS Enterprise and attacked Master Chief, so he summoned the Wright Brothers, who made him a plane that he ran off in. Master Chief did a suicide mission and drove his biplane into the Enterprise, killing Leonidas and himself. From the ashes of the crash rose the Mario Brothers, who gave Peter and Lloyd the leaf that would help them fly. Then from the same ashes rose Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley, who sang everyone to death (except Peter and Lloyd). From the sound waves came Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe, who put everyone in a trance. However, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates hacked into the Great Computer of Time and defeated all of the rappers who were in Season 2 so far. The Great Computer turned against them and released HAL 9000 from the AI Cage. HAL 9000 gave Gates and Jobs viruses, killing them. However, Peter and Lloyd were sucked into the computer's CPU, which malfunctioned and spit them out, with digital copies of Frank Sinatra and Freddie Mercury, as well as Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Sinatra started smoking and died, but Mercury engaged in a battle with Obama and Romney aboard the''' '''Santa Maria. Lincoln freed himself from the Force hold and defeated them all. The scent of their blood attracted Doc Brown and the Doctor several millions of year in the future of the real timeline, so they travelled out of their timeverse into the time gap. They time travelled to the "future" of the time gap, where they found Bruce Lee engaged in a massive fight with Clint Eastwood and Batman and Robin. They brought Sherlock and Watson in to stop it, but Sherlock deduced that Santa Claus and Moses would appear, and they did. Santa Claus started to die and used his spirit to start Valentine's Day, which broguht forth Adam and Eve. After they ate, Gandhi appeared as the result of an alternate time gap where no one ate, so Adam and Eve did not eat and threw ketchup, but an invisible force stopped them. It turned out to be Martin Luther King, Jr. who was using technology invented by Tesla, who was also hiding, and patented by Edison, who stole it to hide. They combined their efforts and produced a bicycle to escape on, but Lance Armstrong became a part of the bike. MLK decided that he would have to take him down, but Gandhi said they should have done it with non violence, so they waited. Armstrong later broke his bike and used a piece as a rod to beat the others, but Babe Ruth appeared, believing that a baseball bat was being used. As everyone died, Peter and Lloyd asked Tesla to make a computer for them to record these events for the future (in real time), and so they did, but only Cubase was an available program, as well as iTunes, which only had Mozart music. Thus Mozart and Skrillex were created, and they used Cubase to create Lenin, Stalin, and Rasputin, who invoked the power of Russia to summon Gorbachev, who summoned Putin. Putin engaged in judo, and he blew up a tuba, which expanded into a pirate ship. This ship turned out to be the Queen Anne's Revenge, which had Blackbeard. Blackbeard then sold a shitton of rum, but Al Capone appeared, attempting to take back the rum to the Prohibition era. However, Capone got too drunk and started twerking, which evoked the spirit of Miley Cyrus. Thenceforth, Miley Cyrus start twerking, until there was a sword in her ass, which turned out to be Joan of Arc's sword. Bob Ross then appeared to paint all this beauty. He coined the term "happy little accident" to describe the events thus far. However Pablo Picasso was appalled at Ross' style and proceeded to paint his own version of it. Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan began arguing about whose was better. It then transpired Jordan and Ali were actually participants in a dream being held by Ebenezer Scrooge, who was painted by Ross. Donald Trump then appeared in Scrooge's dream, urging him to wake up so that the real timeline could be restored. His efforts were in vain, however, and he attempted to use J. P. Morgan to convince him before Kanye West appeared to do the same. However it was not until Death threatened Scrooge that this time hollow reappeared and Scrooge's dream ended. The paint battle continued to occur with Picasso painting Walkers. Bob Ross created Rick Grimes and spread his being across all of time so that he could defeat the Walker. Angered, Picasso asked Walter White to produce meth that killed Bob Ross from ODing. However, Walter White died in the process of selling this meth to Picasso. Superman thought Lex Luthor died and came to recover his body, but was trapped. Superman entered Super Saiyan mode after discovering it wasn't Lex Luthor who died. In this mode, Goku appeared to challenge him for the the title of ultimate Super Saiyan master. It was then revealed that this whole event was a short story written by Edgar Allen Poe. The manuscript was discovered by Stephen King, who rewrote it and published it. However, Bill Nye does research into it and discovers that it was Sir Isaac Newton who invented the time gap and transported all the rappers there. He is backed up by Neil deGrasse Tyson based on evidence. It then transpires that Newton was compelled to do so after realizing that George Washington was a reincarnation of William Wallace. Both of them fought British people. He learned this from a painting started by Donatello and finished by Raphael, Michelangelo, and Leonardo da Vinci. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles try to hunt down this painting, but discover that it inhabited by the ghosts of all the people in it. They call in the Ghostbusters, but they can't get rid of the ghosts. The Mythbusters come in to bust the myth and realize the only way to remove the ghosts is at night. So they use Newton's Equation for Cheating Death to bring back Bonnie and Clyde, so they can steal the painting from the museum. However, they accidentally steal a painting of Romeo and Juliet that brings them to life at night. However, during their escape to return the painting, Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson are killed by Jack the Ripper. As the others investigate the murder, they mistakenly conclude that it is Hannibal Lecter who is to blame. Jack the Ripper, angered that they didn't catch him, challenges Lecter to a death match. However, they are both killed during the fight by lightning. Zeus and Thor both claim responsibility, leading to a fight between them. This entire battle is covered on Ellen's show with a special guest appearance by Oprah. It is then revealed that the entire thing was a film originally created by Quentin Tarantino and written by Steven Spielberg, and a remake of an Alfred Hitchcock-Stanley Kubrick teamup. However, Michael Bay buys the rights to the story and adds a bunch of explosions with his MOTHERFUCKING MONEY. Category:Blog posts